Sunday, August 8, 2010

Clown Town!

Next up, welcome to Clown Town!

Circus workshops can be tricky when you only have a week, and this script was devised with a group I worked with internationally renowned goof and Our Man In Africa, Pablo Latona. He focused mostly on clowning work, falls, tumbling, and gags such as the floating briefcase and other such silliness. This worked really well when combined with my bits and pieces of clowning such as double takes, stupid noises and walks, and bouffon.

As always we had a really solid group, and the idea of a town where everyone is a clown was probably the very first one we had. From there things spiraled out of control, as they invariably do, into a fast and funny mess of gags.

Anyway, onwards... to CLOWN TOWN!



Clown Town!
by Hadley, Pablo Latona & Participants of CYT Holiday Workshop ‘Clown-O-Rama’.



Scene 1. There is a burst of music, there are clowns everywhere. Our hero, the clown hating 9 year old Jellybean is stuck in the middle, looking unimpressed.

Jelly Mum & Jelly Dad build a frozen breakfast scene around her. Narrator 1 & 2 enter. Narrator 2 has a huge top hat over her head.

Narrator 1: Welcome to our story!

Narrator 2: Mff ff ffff!

Narrator 1: Who didn’t want to be a...

Narrator 2: Mff ff fff ff?

Narrator 1: Umm...

Narrator 2 tries to get the hat off, and fails.

Narrator 1: We need tech support!

Tech support runs in with a rubber chicken.

Tech Support: I need 50cc’s of hamsters!

Tech Support chases the narrators off.

Jelly Bean: They were supposed to say “Welcome to our story, it is about a girl who is called Jelly Bean who doesn’t want to be a clown even though everyone else is a clown, let’s meet Jelly Bean now. Hi Jelly Bean.” Hi. “How are you?” Bad!

Jelly Dad: Jelly Bean! Why aren’t you doing your morning double take exercises?

Jelly Dad does his morning double take exercises.

Jelly Mum: Why can’t you be more normal?

Jelly Bean: I am normal!

Jelly Mum: You haven’t fallen down once this morning!

Jelly Mum falls down. Fireball enters with a unicycle.

Fireball: Hi Jelly Bean, it’s me! Your awesome cousin Fireball! Check out my sweet new guitar!

Fireball plays a sweet guitar solo on his unicycle.

Dad: (crying) He’s just so talented!

Mum: Encore, encore!

Narrator 1: Uh oh, Jelly Bean! You’re late for school!

Narrator 2: Mfff... fff... mff ff?

Narrator 1 drags Narrator 2 off stage.

Scene 2: Clown School.

Jelly Bean runs in late for class.

Science Teacher: Jelly Bean! You’re late! As punishment you are now a bowl of fruit.

Jelly Bean: What?

Science Teacher: Argh! A talking bowl of fruit!

Student 1: She’s a witch!

Student 2: Call the fire brigade!

Driving Instructor enters.

Driving Instructor: Time for driving lessons! Vroom! Who’s first?

Science Teacher: Take the talking bowl of fruit. It... unnerves me.

Driving Instructor takes Jelly Bean to do her driving test.

Driving Instructor: Which of these things would you use to steer your car?

Driving Instructor presents a steering wheel, a fish and a monkey. Jelly Bean picks up the steering wheel.

Driving Instructor: Wrong! Wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong! Correct! Only kidding! Wrong! It’s very simple. You get the monkey to steer the car for you. And you pay him! In fish! Wrong wrong wrong!

Monkey does a trick with his fish. Driving Instructor drives away on her monkey powered car.

Narrator 1: After school it was time for Jelly Bean to go to the dentist.

Narrator 2: Mff! MFFFF!!!

Narrator 1: Jelly Bean was actually kind of excited, because she knew that in a town as crazy as Clown Town, at least the dentist had to be normal!

Narrator 2: mff mfmffmfmfmfmf!!

Narrator 1 finally succeeds in pulling off Narrator 2’s hat. Narrator 2 has no head underneath, and collapses on the ground. Narrator 1 pauses for longer than is necessary.  Smiles.

Narrator 1: And... present!

Narrator 1 presents, and then drags Narrator 2 off stage, along with the hat.

Scene 3
Jelly Bean is waiting in the dentists. The Dental Assistant is typing crazily.

Assistant: The Dentist will see you soon.

The Dentist enters very normally, carrying their dentist bag.

Dentist: Hello, Jelly Bean. It is good to see you today. Sorry I am a bit late, I was stuck in traffic. I’ll just go to my office.

Narrator 1: Phew, thought Jelly Bean! Finally someone normal!

Dentist’s bag gets stuck mid air. Floating bag routine.

Jelly Bean: Oh no! You’re a clown like the rest of them!

Dentist: Nurse! We need to remove the patient’s teeth!

Assistant: And then?

Dentist: Her tonsils!

Assistant: And then?

Dentist: Her brain!

Jelly Bean: I am going to run away from you now!

Dentist: Not if we run away from you first!

Assistant: This way!

Dentist: That way!

The assistant and dentist run into each other and fall down.

Narrator 1: Then Jelly Bean heard the most amazing sound she’d ever heard. It was silence.

Narrator 2: Mf fff.

Jelly Bean: I refuse to be narrated by you until you take off that hat.

Pause. Narrator 2 pulls off the hat. She shyly approaches the audience, and coughs gently.

Narrator 2: SILENCE WHAT A WONDERFUL SOUND! JELLY BEAN FOLLOWED THE SILENCE THROUGH MANY STREETS UNTIL SHE CAME ACROSS A WONDERFUL SIGHT.

Narrator 1: It was the circus! But not a circus like any she’d ever seen before.

The Boring Circus comes on stage.

Boring Ringmaster: Welcome ladies and gentlemen to the most under whelming show on earth. For my first trick, I will file these important documents in an appropriate manner.

Boring Performer 1: For your not entertainment I will now drink this cup of tea. Hop-a.

Boring Performer 2: Watch as I walk in a straight line.

Boring Magician: Watch as I do not pull anything out of my hat. What could I possibly have in there? A rabbit? How silly.

Narrator 1: Jelly Bean was entranced by their boring routines and beautiful grey suits.

Narrator 2: THAT WAS WHEN SHE SAW HIM. A YOUNG BOY HER AGE. HE WAS VERY HANDSOME. HE CAME ON TO THE STAGE AND DID THE MOST WONDERFUL PERFORMANCE SHE HAD EVER SEEN.

Boring Ringmaster: Now for our star attraction, the pretty much okay, Mediocre Boy

Boy: I will now sit down quietly and not do anything.

Longer pause than necessary. Jelly Bean starts applauding.

Boy: Argh, what is that terrible noise?

Jelly Bean: Sorry. You were really great.

Boy: Great?

Jelly Bean: I mean... you were average.

Boy: Thank you. I do not have an opinion about your hair.

Jelly Bean: Thank you.

Narrator 1: And they all lived happily ever after!

Narrator 2: Or did they! Back at the Clown Town Town Hall Clown Hall Town... Hall... Town... Clown...

Narrator 1 sticks the hat back on Narrator 2.

Narrator 1: Clown Town Town Hall!

Scene 4
Mayor of Clown Town is trying to get order, everyone is yelling.

Mayor: Now now, calm down, beep beep, honk honk! I understand you’re upset!

Jelly Mum: You can’t let these freaks into our town!

Jelly Dad: They’re disgusting, with all their sanity and their ugly not red noses!

Dentist: Does anyone want to buy some teeth?

Mayor: I agree with all of you, zoop zoop, fiddle-dee doo, but what can we do about them?

Driving Instructor: Let’s run them out of town!

Everyone: Yeah!

Monkey: No!

Everyone looks at monkey.

Monkey: Yeah!

Everyone: Yeah!

They all turn into a crazy bouffon troupe car and speed around stage, led by Driving Instructor. They arrive at the Circus.

Jelly Dad: You don’t belong around here!

Jelly Mum: Give me back my watermelon!

Boring Ringmaster: All of the colours are burning my eyes.

Boring Magician: What are they saying, I can hear them over the fun they’re having.

Boy: The noses... the noses are... amazing!

Jelly Bean: No!

Boy: Urge... to be wacky... rising...

Clowns surround Boy and put a red nose on him. The Boring Circus folk all dress up crazy.

Jelly Bean: It can’t be!

Narrator 1: That’s right folks, the Boring Circus had discovered that in many ways it is more fun to be wacky, then it is to be boring.

Narrator 2: HERE IS THE MORAL OF THE STORY: DON’T GO NEAR CLOWNS BECAUSE THEY ARE PRETTY MUCH VAMPIRES.

Music cuts back in, everyone leaps around clowning. They all freeze, music snaps off.

Jelly Bean: I hate clowns.

the end.

No comments:

Post a Comment